Falling in love taught me a lot of things. I fell in love with my wife when I was a teenager. It’s more than 11 years since I decided that she’s the one. She’s yet to reach that milestone of 11 years.
I always hear about how she has changed me. About how much of an ass I was before her. I agree, I was quite the douche bag. But what most people miss is that, as a person I went along with my own life as well. And while I cannot ignore her effect on my life, many changes were just about growing up.
It brings me to this, can someone really change because of another person ? I am not sure. Change happens within you. While you are influenced by everyone around you, the final perpetrator of change is oneself. I cannot really be changed, unless I decide to change.
While we all believe in the positive effect of people around us, the final reason for who you are, is just you. No one can make you something you are not. The person you see is an amalgam of their life experiences.
We always tend to underwrite our on achievements, even to the point of assigning our personality to be the result of someone else. It takes time to get to a point where you can say this is who I am. I worked my ass off to get here. Many factors contributed to it, but the final result is mine.
We all have significant others who shaped our life. I parted with another person who influenced my life about 5 years ago. I believe it was my immaturity and carelessness about his feelings that made him despise me. It is hard, but that’s life. We can learn and make sure that you will try to be a better person. Life is about learning. It’s also about gut punches when you learn that you have been unknowingly hurting those who are closest to your heart by being snarky and insensitive. You learn. You let go. You hold on. Everything takes its toll, everything you live through moulds the person you are.
The funny thing about life lessons is that you can always ignore them. You can always continue to be the person you were or change to be a slightly better version of you.
End of the day, changing yourself is something only you can do. Your personality is built by you. You are who you are ONLY because of you. The good and the bad.