I hear this a lot. A relationship is about compromises, it’s a give and take enterprise, that you win some, you lose some. But to me, it is something totally different, it’s a question.
Is it worth it?
The effort that you have to put in to express the interest, the effort that is needed in spending your valuable time with someone, the effort that is needed to pull out the wallet at the end of a might-have-been-date. Is it worth it? If yes, you continue.
When I was in college, there were a lot of couples, some celebrity couples, some everyone thought was made of each other. A few in the list got married to each other, a lot more got married to someone else and living happily with a litter of kids. So the question asked as always this. “Is it worth it?”
Is it worth the effort you need to put in with your family to convince them? Is it worth the extra effort and the risk that you take if you go against your parents wish? Is it worth risking a suicide threat from your entire family?
Sometimes you start a relationship trying to thinking through to the end, if someone expresses interest in you, you think up until the birth of the 3rd child and his/her college education and eventual marriage. I do not see any reason to do that. Everyday that you are in a relationship, is a day to build towards the “Is it worth it index”. Every minute you are together, every conversation you have, every character trait that your partner has, adds up on the “is it worth it index”. So when questions come that can affect the relationship, parental pressure, job change, relocation, anger, fight, you check the is it worth it score.
Is it worth it to apologize to your partner even if you are sure that you are not wrong. Is it worth it to take the first step towards mending. Is it worth it to stand up to your parents and say, this is the one. Is it worth it to continue the relationship another day.
If anytime you feel it’s not worth it, then you know you are right because you know everything that is good about the other person, everything that is bad about the other person ( enough to make the decision on whether it is worth it ), and making that call becomes simpler.
Personally, when I look back at my relationship, which is going to hit 10 years in another 6 months. I know that anything is worth it. Because we have been through hell and back. I know how good my life is because of her. So I will pull out all stops to make the relationship work.
But as I said, it is an on-going process. Nothing is an ultimate, when the is it worth it index goes down, so does relationships, I dont think I am exempted from it either.
When you are in a relationship or contemplating one, just build on the “is it worth it index” and get out when you feel it is not. Relationships are not set in stone, they work only until they work. As it goes personal happiness and satisfaction is the basis of any relationship. A relationship has to make you happy. Else automatically it is not worth it.
PS: As usual, when I say that relationships are not permanent, do not read anything extra onto it. Me and Preethi are doing absolutely stellar.
PPS: She and me are separated for another 5 days. I might go philosophical on facebook more often.